This is a shared story
I’m going to start off with a little testimony so I can set the stage for my blog. I had a conversation with my daughter’s mother concerning me being more involved in my daughter’s life. I asked if my daughter and I can spend some additional weekends together due to the fact that her mother is finding it difficult to accomplish our daughter’s homework. I asked if I can give a try; maybe she will respond to me differently. The conversation never left that area; her wheels became stuck in the mud concerning our daughter’s extra curriculum activities. You see our daughter is sort of a science buff and it’s something she just discovered or to say her mother just discovered because it’s sponsored by NASA.
It’s a great Saturday program and it’s free of charge to any child who has an interest, and it’s held on the campus of one of the Universities in New York City. The problem is geographically it’s a two hour commute for me one way. And in New York City the train system runs on an alternative schedule on Saturday and Sunday. So I asked if she can miss a Saturday or two in order to accomplish the primary goal of her spending some quality time with her dad and to get an angle on the homework situation. The debate became so overwhelming that I had to take a walk for three miles just to relax. Her (The Custodial Mother) said that she cannot miss any of the Saturday program, and my response just like yours; was why? My daughter’s mother continued to debate me on the importance of the program and I too agreed. Stay with me I’m going somewhere, I never said the program wasn’t worth my daughter’s time it’s due to the fact that I don’t spend time with my daughter because her mother has her in two thousand programs every single day and every weekend.
My position wasn’t to interfere with my daughter’s activities but to step in say enough is enough. When is it going to be daddy’s time to impart some of my own homegrown wisdom into my child? Her mother clearly has over stepped the boundaries by scheduling these activities without consulting with me first. My concern here and I will go right ahead and speak for the majority of non-custodial father’s, when is it our time to impart into our son’s and daughter’s? I grew up playing and excelling in sports in the same Boy’s Club of America and Policeman Athletic Leagues as most of us did. However it was used as an alternative to our parents in our development not the primary tool in our growth. Now the new age parent has replaced the father with Mr. Jones and Mrs. Mary from the local recreation center as our children’s new father figures, when actually most of these children have a supporting father who is willing and able to assist in the rearing of their child or children. With the numbers indicating that father’s involvement is at an all-time low, I beg to differ. The mothers of our children have been told by the authorities that this program is best for your child and that program is their growth and development when in fact there is father somewhere anxiously awaiting word from a Family Court Judge or a custodial mother when he can step in. Africa- Americans has excelled in every area of society, but for some strange reason we can’t get the system out our homes. Black males have been superior for millions of years; yet we aren’t capable of providing adequate support for our children because the world says that the Boys Club of America makes for a better father than the one who is supposed to teach our son’s how to tie a bow-tie or ride his first bicycle or give his daughter the car on her first date. Instead we have lost ourselves and we are walking on egg shells with our own children. For whatever reason men have lost their right to provide the necessary tools that our children need in life. And shortly there will be no need for a man period. And that’s the master plan for the adversary to remove and replace the role of the father in the future of our children. Just a little insight of what goes on in the mind of the replaced.
By Rodney (Bow-Tie) Harraway
who is a child support specialist in New York.